This seems like an odd moment in life that is probably going to be all too common in the coming years. Recently, my email told me that I had a new follower both on my blog and on twitter. What a delight, I probably did not say to myself. So I took a gander at the handle of this fine person who, for whatever misguided reason, opted to follow me. And I was shocked to discover that it was my mom.
Being the curious bastard that I am, I immediately went to her Twitter page and followed her. I soon discovered that she had zero tweets and she was only following one person. That person, as the detectives among you may have already deduced, was me. She started a Twitter page just to follow me. Sweet? Of course. Odd, since I’m sort of obnoxious? Sure. But – and this one’s for you, Ma – what the fuck? Let’s all get our mothers to follow us. Then when we talk about pornography and unfortunate bodily functions we can all enjoy an awkward moment of revelation over Thanksgiving dinner. Her voice will say, “I don’t usually say this, but this meal came out great.” But her eyes will say, “I remember that post you had about having sex with a pile of mashed potatoes.” Oh, she is also following my blog. Which, she explained, she thought was the same thing as Twitter. Oh well. I guess the old saying is true (is this a saying?): Don’t put anything on the internet that you wouldn’t want your mother to read. Lucky for me, I am a real shit and have no sense of shame.
Traffic driving comment of the day: Naked bitches in whipped cream.
And, yes Ma, sometimes bitches love them some whipped cream.