Asshole’s Log: Day 5

Traffic driving comment: Naked college girl ax-kicks a bear.

Things that you half want to hear: “Yes I’m pregnant, but don’t worry. It’s not yours; it’s your brothers.”

I like specialty stores. It is a tragedy that the economy is being raped by the giant penis that is Wal-Mart. I think we all need to consider opening unique specialty stores to combat the growing shadow of monopolization. I, for one, intend to start a feed store that sells only chum. I may not make much money, but damn it, you will know where to go for all of your chum needs. And it seems unlikely that Wal-Mart will try to tap into the chum market.

Cool words are often restricted by being stuck with a less cool word. “Amok” is trapped with “run amok.” “Cantankerous” is stuck with bigstock-teenager-girl-beautiful-red-ha-27263807“bastard.” Now “bastard” is a fine word, but I would love to see “cantankerous” break out and spread its wings. “Cockamamie” is wedged in with “idea.” We have failed as a culture when we cannot make better use of a word as spectacular as “cockamamie.”  Look at that cockamamie hat that weird guy is wearing! Perhaps we can vary its usage even further.  He cockamamied that one up.  I know – it’s a word in progress.

For the ladies: If you don’t have red hair, I say give it a shot. Scientific studies have proven that hotness level increases by a minimum of ten percent if you have red hair. If you’re a 7, you become a 7.7. We can call that an 8.  And yes, this is the shallow sexist portion of today’s blog.

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