Asshole’s Log: Day 3

greeThings you don’t want to hear. “That probably won’t detonate.”

I think we need to take a moment to mourn the death of  former NASCAR driver Dick Trickle. I don’t know anything about car racing and never watch it. However he had one of the greatest names in sports. Dominating other names such as Garth Butcher, Kaka, Milton Bradley, Dick Butkus, and Hugh Jorgen. Okay maybe that last one is fake. But in a time when names lack sexual connotation, we could always turn to the few, the proud, the awesomely named.

I watched Rebel without a Cause for the first time and came to the realization that dramatic moments in the movies of the 1950’s and before were absolute bags of yak shit. Sure, that film had lots of cool and iconic moments. But when James Dean starts shouting about how his parents are ruining his life, or when poor misunderstood puppy killer Plato starts shouting the generic “You’re not my father” to Dean for no clear reason, it makes me realize how shitty even “great” films can be.  Did the cops not think to confiscate Plato’s gun after he was picked up for randomly shooting puppies? I mean that is pretty clear serial killer shit.  And am I supposed to feel bad for him after he guns down Fido and Ms. Sassy Tail? I think not. I was rooting for crazy Dennis Hopper. But then I seem to always find myself rooting for crazy Dennis Hopper.

Now remember – spend the rest of the day being sure to not think of a green panda bear. Do not think of a green panda bear.

Also Heather Graham is hot. I don’t care how much of a crack whore she is starting to look like.



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