Asshole’s Log: Day 2

I thought I would start this off with the phrase “Free naked girls.” Maybe that will drive traffic. 🙂

Things you never want to hear said to you. “Yeah, but the doctor said the cancer will kill you before the AIDS does, so don’t even worry about it.”

Clichés suck balls. Laugh it out of court.  I’ve been to court. Generally speaking, it is not a very raucous atmosphere.Very little laughter. I have seen men in wife-beaters and ripped pants plead their cases starting with the argument: “But I was never caught before.” Despite this being a pretty weak defense, neither the lawyers nor the judge began to convulse with guttural chuckles of delight. I cannot picture a scenario in which a judge begins to laugh and point at a defendant. Although it would be pretty awesome if the whole courtroom pointed and laughed at some unfortunate bastard until he was forced to flee the room. Of course, in most circumstances, people want to get the hell out of there quick anyway.  Then for the next guy, everyone could do an 80’s-movie style bigstock-Portrait-of-man-dancing-on-rol-30076733slow clap to support him. That would suck, though, if it turned out that guy was a rapist.

There are no more roller skating rinks that I know of. Now don’t start sending me messages about how your favorite hangout is some roller rink in Manitoba. Canada doesn’t count. Everybody knows at least twenty percent of Canada is still in the 80’s. But the real joy of there not being any more roller skating rinks is that none of us have to watch that one asshole glide around real low to the ground on one skate with his other skate sticking straight out. Was that supposed to be a trick? I’m sure he had to purchase many baseball bats to fend off the legion of vaginas that threatened to swarm him as soon as he pulled that move off, but still – he was the douche of the skating rink. And if you were that guy, well … now you know.

Tip of the day. Never put your penis in a cactus. I don’t care how much it looks like Mila Kunis. It’s just a bad idea.

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